ELLEN DEGENERES: Here & Now  

Especial exclusivo de HBO dirigido por Joel Gallen realizado en el año 2003. Es un monólogo cómico donde Ellen DeGeneres se sube al escenario del Beacon Theater de Nueva York  y se dedica a lanzar en forma humorística algunas  observaciones sobre las manías, locuras y problemas propios de la sociedad.

Algunas citas en inglés del show

[referring to old TV shows that were about nothing]
Ellen DeGeneres: When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show.

[referring to headset phones]
Ellen DeGeneres: Chances are if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it, too.

Ellen DeGeneres: We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, "I have a problem with procrastination, too." I said "Really?... Get my sandwich."

Ellen DeGeneres: ...That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy.

Ellen DeGeneres: You're not going to find a Pygmie on Paxal, I'll tell you that.

Ellen DeGeneres: [about local news] They do these teases to get you to watch late on. They're so incredibly cruel: 'It could be the most deadly thing in the world and you may be having it for dinner. We'll tell you what it is tonight at 11:00.'

Ellen DeGeneres: [about talking vs. communication] Even when we say, "How are you?" we don"t mean, "How are you?" - we don't care. Just give us a "fine" or a "good" - a one syllyble answer and move along. And don"t even say "pretty good". That's a follow-up question: "pretty good" "something happen?... I don"t... have... time to... "

Ellen DeGeneres: [about clear cell-phone reception] At least if there's static or something you have a warning. You have an indication that you're going to lose the call. Actually, there's nothing worse than it being crystal-clear reception and you've been rambling on for who knows how long, only to find out that it cut off who knows how long ago.

Ellen DeGeneres: [about call-waiting] It's turned into a mini people's choice awards. Hasn't it? And you find out right away who wins or loses.: You're having a pleasent conversation with what you think is a good friend. You hear the click. They tell you to hold on. You're confident they're going to come back to you. And then they come back and they say, "I've got to take this other call." And you know what that means what they just said to the other person?: "Llet me get rid of this other call."

Ellen DeGeneres: [about breath strips] Can we not suck anymore?

Ellen DeGeneres: We stock up on popcorn and candy like we're crossing the Sierras, don't we?: "I'll have a couple of soft pretzals, a hot dog, milk duds, snocaps. Is that the largest popcorn you've got there - that bucket? You don't have a barrel or anything like that? Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything? - Oh, and a diet coke."